What Can I Say and Do Differently to Help Students Cope with Troubling Feelings and Reduce Negative Behaviors?


Essentials of Emotional Communication for Reaching the Unreachable Student:
Where Do I Start?
What Do I Say?
How Do I Do It?

Table of Contents
Introduction …..11

Part I: The Basics

Chapter 1: Understanding Emotional Communication- The Magic We Create with the Words We Say …..17

Emotional Language Within the Broader Context of Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication Principles

The Interaction Between the Verbal and the Nonverbal Messages

Chapter 2: The Role of Feelings in Emotional Communication …..27

Negative Feelings

Positive Feelings

Facts About Feelings

Table 2.1. Feelings List

Chapter 3: The Therapeutic Environment- Principles, Skills, and Steps …..35

Therapeutic Principles

The “Therapeutic Attitude”

The Therapeutic Process: Steps

Part II: Where Do I Start?

Chapter 4: Key Elements of a Therapeutic Interaction …..53

Reaching the Unreachable Child with Rapport

Guidelines to Develop Empathic Understanding and Rapport

Talking with a Distraught Child: Enhanced Interventions that Build On-the-Spot Rapport and Defuse Troubling Feelings

 Chapter 5: Therapeutic Listening …..67

Listening Levels

Listening Types

Obstacles to Effective Listening

Traveling to the Therapeutic Realm: Listening Skills that Ensure a Swift Journey

Empathy

Acceptance

Immediacy

Sensitivity

Time

Table 5.1. Listening Therapeutically to Children

Chapter 6: The Role of Self in Emotional Communication …..85

Types of Self

Self-Concept

Self-Identity

Self-Esteem

Self-Awareness

Self-Efficacy

Self-Confidence

Revealing Our Human Side: The Importance of Teacher’s Self-Disclosures

A Word of Caution About Self-Disclosure

Part III: What Do I Say?

Chapter 7: Fundamentals of Language- How Messages Work …..99

Actions We Perform with the Words We Say

Kinds of Statements

Kinds of Messages

Pure or Contaminated?

The Meaning in the Words We Hear

Linguistic Patterns that Prevent Us to Really Understand Each Other

Language Patterns that Limit the Positive Things Children Can Do

Language Patterns that Distort Reality

The Message Within the Message: Metamessages

Verbal Modifiers

Chapter 8: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Opening the Message …..127

Validating

Normalizing

Externalizing

Acknowledging

More Guidelines

Chapter 9: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Facilitating the Message …..139

Verbalizing

Prompting

Encouraging

Affirmations

Furthering

Supporting

Chapter 10: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Making the Message Clear …..147

Feedforward

Checking Perceptions

Paraphrasing

Clarifying

Elaborating

Summarizing

Chapter 11: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Controlling the Message …..157

Returning

Redirecting

Specifying

Focusing

Chapter 12: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Deepening the Message …..163

Furthering

Reflecting

Using Observational Cues

Getting Deeper Meaning

Decoding the Feeling

Reframing

Finding Patterns

Interpreting

Reframing and Interpretations are Two Sides of the Same Coin

Chapter 13: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Going Even Deeper with Transformative Questions …..177

Questioning

Probing Questions: Hargie’s List

Clarification Probes

Justification Probes

Relevance Probes

Exemplification Probes

Extension Probes

Open-Ended Probes

Accuracy Probes

Restatement Probes

Echo Probes

Consensus Probes

Clearinghouse Probes

Asking Transformative Questions: Paul’s Taxonomy

Questions of Clarification

Questions that Probe Assumptions

Questions that Probe Reasons and Evidence

Questions About Viewpoints or Perspectives

Questions that Probe Implications and Consequences

Chapter 14: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Resolving Discrepancies …..191

Background

Albert Ellis and the A-B-C Model of Emotions

Prompting

Disputing Irrational Thinking

Debating

Related Techniques

Challenging

Confronting

Chapter 15: The Therapeutic Dialogue- Shifting the Message …..205

Suggestions

Persuasion

Persuasive Techniques

Part IV: How Do I Do It?

Chapter 16: Summoning to Action Part 1- Social Problem-Solving …..225

Some Basic Principles

How Social or Interactional Problems Start

What is Social Problem-Solving?

How to Teach Social Problem-Solving

The Social Problem-Solving Model

Tips for Teaching Social Problem-Solving

Chapter 17: Summoning to Action Part 2- The Supportive Style …..243

The Supportive Style: Outlining the Steps

When Teachers and Students Disagree: Keeping Power Struggles Out of the Interaction

Chapter 18: Child Guidance Techniques …..279

Child Guidance Techniques

Taking Responsibility

Using Choice Language

Teaching Relative Reasoning

Making it Solvable

Breaking it Down

Making the New Behavior Relevant

Distancing the Student from the Disruptive Behavior

Externalizing the Behavior

Making the Angry Feeling Identity Incongruent

Making the Angry Feeling Goal Incongruent

Normalizing the Behavior

Minimizing the Problem

Using Strategic Language

Using the Language of Change

Using Tentative Language

Reframing the Student’s Perception of the Problem

Empathizing

Role-Playing the Behavior

Paraphrasing

Reflecting on What the Student Says

Translating the Feeling

Labeling

Reversing the Feeling

Developing Hypotheses

Checking Perceptions

Structuring the Student’s Thinking

Challenging the Student

Confronting the Student

Decoding the Behavior

Teaching Self-Decoding

Making the Troubling Feeling Less Intense or Hostile

Increasing the Child’s Ability to Analyze Behavior

Using Self-Disclosures

Eliciting from the Student Ideas and Suggestions for Changing Behavior

Training the Student to Analyze Own Thoughts

Questioning the Student

Teaching Alternative Behaviors

Teaching Students to Talk Descriptively

The Doubling Technique

The Solution-Focused Approach

Identifying Exceptions

Trying Something Really Different

Role-Playing New and Improved Behaviors

References …..305

About the Author …..309

CONNECT WITH THE AUTHOR ONLINE …..310

DISCOVER OTHER TITLES BY THIS AUTHOR …..311
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